Possibility: Marked
by Mystic83
Summary: He is reminded of the power she has over him every day.


_It is his secret burden to bear._

_A love that couldn't be realized but was always there, right in front of his eyes._

_It always came back to the mark…

* * *

_

His father came to him with the request that he go find out firsthand what was happening down on New Caprica. The Fleet… Scratch that. Pegasus and Galactica were effectively cut off from the planet for the exact same reason the Cylons hadn't found them in five months.

It made sense for the Admiral to want to send someone planetside to keep him informed. However, Lee knew that this mission had nothing to do with the planet or the fact that there was so much interference in the communication.

His father had chosen this time for a reason. He had specifically picked Lee to be the one to go down.

That was the root of why Lee didn't even try to set up appointments with Laura to see how the school was faring or Galen to hear about how the workers' union was shaping up or Gaeta to figure out if Baltar had truly gone insane. Instead, he cleared Meg for the same few weeks that he had been granted. Racetrack had been a member of Galactica, and it seemed like even in settlement they were sticking together. Laura, Galen, and Gaeta would tell her all of the same things they would say to Lee. Lee knew he could trust her to give him a fair, unbiased report when they were both back on Pegasus.

The whole way down to the planet, Lee sat in the Raptor seat and wondered if what he was doing was right. Neither he nor his father had heard from Kara in weeks. There might be a good reason as to why she fell out of contact. Lee spent the whole quiet journey through space wondering if Kara would even want to see him at all.

It didn't take much to figure out which tent was Kara's once his feet were on solid earth. The name of Starbuck carried a lot of weight even if Kara was no longer in the cockpit. Lee had had a hunch that she would be just as important on this planet as she had been on Galactica. It was nice to know that he could still count on some things.

Lee took his time getting to his final destination. He wanted to avoid anyone who would recognize him. To do this properly, no one could know he was on New Caprica. Plus, the feelings of normalcy that were forming on this planet kind of appealed to him, and he didn't want that interrupted quite yet. This was the first time he had seen children truly playing since before he got stationed on Atlantia. His water fight with Kara on Colonial Day didn't count. Making the fact that the Commander of Pegasus was on New Caprica common knowledge would kill any bit of anonymity he might have.

For once, Lee just wanted to be Lee. He was tired of being Commander Lee Adama, the ex-CAG, the ex-Major, the ex-by the books son of William Adama. Frak. These days, he was even tired of being Apollo

After looking around the tent Kara shared with Samuel Anders and prying into a few drawers here and there, Lee pulled a chair over to the far end and stared through a small crack in the cloth. When it came down to it, Lee knew this planet would never feel like home. It was too cold, too unfinished.

His father had given him what little reports he had on the progress of New Caprica. Some of it was predictable, things he would have already known without being told. Laura Roslin had fallen back on her education background to provide a school for the Colonial children. Cally and Galen Tyrol were attempting to locate a metal source that can be used to create new means of transportation and machinery. Their marriage a few months back hadn't even slowed them down. Doc Cottle was establishing a sort of triage hospital for those who cannot bear the change in climate. Word was he still smoked like a chimney even with the natural intoxication of fresh air all around him.

There were some things that weren't so expected, though in the end Lee figured it did fit in an odd way. After all, he had never expected Kara to leave Galactica in the first place. That made her presence on the planet a complete wild card.

The reports claimed that she and Anders had become a part of the resettlement initiative within days of moving down here. They were doing their best to turn this cold piece of earth into a home, and the work took Kara and her love away from the main settlements most of the time. In fact, that's where Anders was right at this moment. The colonists were trying to create a second settlement in addition to New Caprica City, and Anders was helping them plot out the foundations for the main structures.

Kara hadn't gone with Anders this time. Lee wasn't sure why that was, but to be honest, he didn't care. It made this easier for him to know that Anders wouldn't be around.

Lee watched through the hole in the tent as people passed him by. Kara and Anders had chosen a fairly public spot to build their home. There was a fairly high stream of traffic in this part of the city, it seemed, and for good reason. The pyramid courts were barely a quarter click away. Lee guessed that was Anders' input. He could see how the ex-captain would want to get himself back in the game as soon as possible.

The school tent was in a direct diagonal to where Lee sat, and Lee knew that had been _Kara's_ contribution to the tent selection. As much as Kara refused to admit it, she loved being around children. The closeness to the pyramid courts probably worked well as a cover-up for her true intentions.

Lee smiled as the creatures in question started rushing out into the dirt streets. School was out. Trying his best to be patient, Lee tipped his chair back in order to kick his feet up onto a nearby table. He didn't want to blow this. It had to happen just right.

It didn't take that long for his patience to be rewarded.

Kara stepped out into the bright sun, and Lee couldn't help but feel his heart skip a beat. He hadn't seen her for three months. She had traveled to Pegasus to tell him she and Sam were going planetside, and that was that. Lee was the commander of a battlestar. He didn't have time to fly down to the planet. Kara was an integral part to the resettlement initiative. She didn't have the time to journey up into space.

Her hair was longer. She was still growing it out. For some reason, Lee had thought she might stop. There was something she had told him once about her hair length and life transitions, but for the life of him, he couldn't remember what that was. A small portfolio was tucked underneath her arm, and Lee wondered what it would take to get her to show him the artwork he knew was hidden there. She was always so self-conscious about that part of her life.

Kara leaned down to say a few final words to the group of kids around her, and Lee couldn't help but smile. It was Laura and not his father who told him about the weekly art lessons Kara was giving the children. The former President had chuckled when reporting how everyone on New Caprica was taken aback by Kara's interest in the children. No one could figure out what Laura had promised Kara to get her to teach these lessons.

Laura had been surprised when Lee whispered that people were fools when it came to Kara. He didn't need to hear it straight from the former President's mouth to knew it was Kara who asked to teach art and not the other way around. It was the kind of thing he always imagined her doing.

Lee watched Kara flip her hair out of her face as she crossed the street to her own tent. He had no idea how she was going to react to finding him here, waiting for her. Things had been crazy since Baltar got elected. Lee barely had time to sleep with all the changes going on. He had never gotten to properly talk with her after she returned to the Fleet with Anders. He didn't count that shared drink in the bunkroom. In fact, he had been trying desperately to forget it for months now.

The tent flap pulled back, and Kara stepped into the small inner sanctum. Lee knew the exact moment she saw him because her face went completely white and she set the portfolio in her arms down on the nearest table. Her hands were shaking.

"Hey," Lee said, giving her a small smile. In about two seconds, she was either going to start screaming or-

Lee wasn't able to finish his thought as Kara launched herself right into his lap. It was all he could do to keep his chair upright as she latched on tight and gave him a rather unexpected kiss. It felt familiar and yet not.

This kiss was nothing like what had gone on between them on the Astral Queen. That had been a quick impulse on his part. He had just missed her so damn much that he couldn't help himself.

This time, it was Kara who initiated the kiss. That could also have been why it was so different from the one before. With the kiss on the Astral Queen, Kara's reaction was to pull back in surprise.

Lee was definitely surprised right now, but he was certainly not about to pull back from her. First off, he would probably go toppling out of the chair if he did. More importantly, he didn't want to. Signs of affection from Kara were few and far between.

In the end, it was Kara who pulled back just like the first time. Only her smile was not the sly one she had given him on the Astral Queen. Instead, she was practically beaming. Lee knew it would be hard to get used to the lack of regulations when it came to Kara now that she was no longer under military jurisdiction, but it was insane if she thought that she had a license to kiss him to within an inch of his life just because she could.

"I have missed you, Lee Adama," Kara whispered after staring at him for what felt like an eternity. Her hands ran across the lines of his face almost as if she was trying to decide if he was really there.

"I've missed you, too, Kara," Lee said, tightening his hold on her body.

She smirked at him through the sleepy haze he could only guess was due to the whopper of a kiss she had just planted on him. "What the frak are you doing here? Isn't there a big ship in the sky waiting to do your every bidding?"

"Dad gave me some time off." Kara only stiffened for a moment at the mention of Lee's father, and then she relaxed back into his arms. "He wanted to know how things were going on New Caprica," Lee continued.

"So you decided to sneak into my tent as a way to find out?"

"The way I remember it, if something was happening in the world, Starbuck would be smack dab in the middle of it."

"That's the truth." Lee could feel the mood shift in Kara even before she dropped her eyes to stare at the ground. The soft sigh that escaped her lips made his heart ache. It reminded him of himself. "Too bad there really isn't a Starbuck anymore," she whispered. The sadness in her voice was palpable.

"Come on, Kara. It's not like you're two different people in one body," Lee insisted, leaning his head forward so that his forehead rested on her shoulder. He let himself breath in the faint scent of lavender. He had forgotten about her preference for girly shampoo. He didn't want to startle her, but he really couldn't hold back the relief of having her so close to him again. This was probably going to end as soon as she got over her initial surprise.

"I know. It's just sometimes I wonder." Kara sighed again before smiling. "But back to the question at hand. What the frak are you doing here of all places, Lee?"

"I've been hearing bits and pieces about your resettlement initiative and the progress that's been made. I wanted to see it firsthand."

"Well, then you should be in New Delphi and not here," Kara pointed out. Lee could feel her shifting back to a practical mindset after a moment's hesitation. "Anders is there right now. There shouldn't be a problem getting you clearance into the work areas. I can put in a call."

"New Delphi? Is that what you guys have named the new city?" Lee hoped Kara wouldn't call him on his obvious desire to avoid the subject of the man she was currently making a home with.

"It seemed fitting," Kara said as she moved to get up. "Now stop avoiding my question, Adama. You know I hate it when you do that. Tell me why I came home to find you waiting for me."

Lee pulled Kara back down onto his lap and smiled. He wasn't ready to let her go just yet. "I've set up a little project for you since you've found yourself some downtime. I figured you would enjoy setting up a surprise for the children you teach."

Kara smiled and rested her head against his shoulder. Lee couldn't help but think that small gesture felt familiar, too. "You know about my classes?"

"I have spies everywhere." That earned Lee a small chuckle. "Seriously, Laura told me you were planning on visiting the classroom the last time I spoke with her. I can't say I was surprised."

"It's good work."

Lee nodded in agreement. "I was proud of you when I heard. It really is a great thing to be doing. I know you've been as busy as I have." He could feel Kara's skin warm against him. Compliments and praise had always made her blush when they came from him. Lee knew if he didn't do something quick, the embarrassment was going to make her start pushing him away. It always did. "You need to tear yourself away from me, though, and pack your bags."

Kara straightened up to give him a funny look. "Are you kidnapping me, Lee?"

"This little project I have is on the outskirts of the city. I figured you would want to stay on site with me until the job is over."

"And how long will that be?"

"Two weeks."

Kara's eyebrows shot up. "You got two weeks off from being Commander?"

"Dad thought I needed a vacation."

Kara shook her head as she pushed to her feet. "I bet the Old Man thought I was just the person to show you how to get that stick out of your ass."

"You talk about it so much," Lee joked. He knew they were avoiding a few things right now, but if Kara stayed true to form, that would be cleared up in a few seconds. The woman could never keep her mouth shut for that long.

Kara rifled around in the small drawers and pulled out a sweatshirt. She reached down to grab a bag off the floor and shoved it inside. Lee watched her pack for a few minutes before she suddenly paused and let out a deep breath. "Seriously, Lee, did he ask you to come check up on me?" she asked without turning around. "Because I'm not sure if I can handle that."

Lee didn't ask her to elaborate on what exactly she couldn't handle. He wasn't sure if they were in a stable enough place to tackle that hurdle. So he just waited until she turned to look at him before answering her question, "He misses you, Kara. He doesn't like the fact that you're so out of touch."

"He knew what was going to happen when I made my decision to come down here."

"He didn't mean what he said, Kara. He was just upset that you were leaving him to fend for himself on Galactica. These days, you and I are the only family he has left besides Tigh."

"He still had no right to treat me the way he did."

"I understand that," Lee said. He got up from the chair to stand by her side. "He wanted me to tell you that he was sorry."

"Really?" Kara said, shooting him a skeptical look.

"I wouldn't joke about something like that," Lee assured her.

"Can't he come down and say it himself then?"

"Not right now. President Baltar's put in another ridiculous request. He wants another thousand people off Galactica and Pegasus to help with the building of New Delphi. My dad's busy trying to figure out how he can keep the two ships running after these new cuts go into effect."

Kara shook her head. Lee knew this was probably the one point where she agreed wholeheartedly with Lee and his father. Baltar was a fraking moron for pushing the settlement issue. It was fine for them to try this whole recolonization thing, but it shouldn't be forced. Lee could only imagine how hard it was for a pilot to say goodbye to the sky. He had had a tough enough time when it was just his best friend giving up the military life. He couldn't imagine what it would have been like if it were him moving down to this planet.

Sighing, he watched Kara pushing and shoving more things into her pack. It seemed she was also remembering what she had to go through when she chose to move down to the planet. Lee reached his hand out to still her violent motions. She was going to rip a hole in the bottom of that bag pretty soon. "He asked me to check in on you, Kara, but it was my idea to do this little project. I want a little time with you like we used to have in the old days."

"Which old days?" she smirked. "The ones before Zak died, the ones before the Twelve Colonies were destroyed, or the ones before Baltar got elected?"

"All of them." Lee sighed and sat down on the bed. It bowed against his weight. He couldn't get over how temporary this place felt. She had been living down here for three months, and it still felt temporary to Lee. He hated that he looked around this tent and clung to a foolish hope that someday Kara would come back to her family. "I honestly just want some time with my best friend again. _That's_ why I'm here."

Kara smiled and zipped up the bag. "All right, Adama. Whatever you have planned, I'm game."

"You always were," Lee pointed out. He gestured for her to step outside the tent, and together they walked through the streets of New Caprica. Kara pointed out a few things here and there, but they walked mostly in silence. They were both still adjusting to being in each other's presence.

When they got to the small camp, Kara was surprised to see it all set up for whatever Lee had planned. Lee quickly explained he had asked a few old friends on the planet to set this up for him that morning. Not really giving her the opportunity to ask who those friends were, he plowed on through his explanation and began talking about the idea he had for a children's playground. The location he had taken her to was sufficiently out of the way so the children could play without the noise of the resettlement initiative's work as they continued building New Caprica City.

The tent he had secured to keep them out of the rain was barely big enough for a bed, two chairs, and a table. Kara had gotten uncomfortable when she realized that they were going to have to share the bed, but Lee simply shrugged. They didn't have a lot of furniture to just toss around these days. This furniture was the only things he could get on short notice. Her discomfort shifted to annoyance when he suggested he sleep on the floor. Her answer to his offer would make him chuckle months after he was back on board Pegasus.

"_Keep your hands to yourself, Adama, and we shouldn't have a problem."_

Lee had been giving himself that little instruction for weeks before he came down to New Caprica, which was why they didn't have trouble the first two days they were working on the playground. They kept up idle chatter, both wanting to know everything about the loved ones they were ripped away from. Kara was grateful to hear that Lee had been watching out for Helo now that she couldn't. She worried about his relationship with the Sharon still locked up tight on Galactica. She didn't like the things it was doing to him. Lee was happy to hear that Kara had been forcing Laura to keep her check-ups with Doc Cottle. He was scared that the cancer would come back any day now, and they needed Roslin to stay healthy for the next elections.

The conversation faded away with the sun as exhaustion set in. Both nights they traveled into town to clean off the dirt and grime from the work they were doing. Lee always managed to get back to the tent first, and he would lay down in the bed and patiently wait for Kara to return. When she did, she never said a word. She would just slip into the bed, taking care not to let any part of her body touch his. Lee could understand that. They had to have boundaries.

But then she would shift, and her backside would brush his thigh. His arm would cramp, and he'd stretch it out to lay on the pillow by her head. She would push her hair out of her eyes, and it would settle against his chest. He would sigh and find himself instinctively turning into the warmth of her body. She would yawn and end up facing him, a sleepy half-smile on her face.

Little by little, they would touch until she was in his arms. Then she would whisper good night.

None of that was a problem for Lee. He and Kara had always made a game out of their hesitancy to touch. For years, it had been 'winner was whoever could ignore the desire to touch the longest'.

It took until the third night for everything Lee had planned changed on the drop of a cubit.

The skies closed up halfway through the day, and the rain came pouring down. It forced them inside the tent a lot earlier than they intended. When Lee asked if she had any ideas as to what to do now, she had given him a wicked smile and promised to be back. He watched her disappear out into the rain and knew that whatever he had just done, it was a mistake.

Kara returned ten minutes later with a bottle of ambrosia in her hands. "One of the mothers gave me this for Colonial Day. She said it was a custom on her colony to share a drink with your family on the holiday, and she wanted to give it to me as a present so I could do the same."

"So why is it unsealed?" Lee said, taking the bottle out of her hands to pop the seal.

Kara dropped her eyes to the floor as she mumbled, "She said it was to share with your _family_."

They fell into silence as the weight of her words hung over them. They both had the tendency to say the one thing that could kill the mood between them. It was a special talent they had perfected over the years.

Lee didn't even realize they were halfway through the bottle of ambrosia until it was too late. He should have known it was coming, but the words still cut him in two.

"Anders wants me to marry him."

She had said it so softly that Lee thought he must have heard her wrong. When she continued to stare guiltily at the bottle between them, Lee knew he had heard right. He also knew she had been holding this news in since the second she stepped into her tent and found him waiting for her. "Congratulations."

"I haven't said yes," Kara clarified. She looked up at Lee. "I don't know if I can."

Lee nodded and took another sip out of the bottle. The ambrosia was no longer burning as it went down. That was yet another sign that he was in trouble. "Why do you think that is?"

"I don't know."

"Sure you do," Lee insisted. "You just don't want to say it out loud because saying it out loud makes it real."

"Look at you with your drunken logic," Kara slurred, reaching out to grab the bottle and take her own sip. "Fine, Adama. If you know so well why I'm not sure if I can marry Sam, please enlighten me."

"I'm not saying that I can tell you what you think or feel," Lee clarified. "I'm just saying that I know you, Kara."

"You mean you know how I have the tendency to frak up the good things in my life." Kara took a long sip this time.

Lee took the bottle back and shook his head. "I didn't say that. Gods. I don't even know what I did say. You're going to have to thank that school mom for me. The last time I had ambrosia this good was before the colonies were destroyed."

Kara nodded in agreement, and they faded back into silence. The bottle was finished within minutes.

Lee let out a sigh as he polished off the last few drops in his glass. "I can see Anders makes you happy. That's been clear since the second you brought him on board Galactica five months ago. It was nice to see you smile, but there are things we both know you're avoiding." Lee took a deep breath and wondered if the ambrosia itself was forcing him to say these things or if the ambrosia was just giving him the courage he had never had before. "Anders makes you happy, but he's not the one, Kara, and we both know it. That's why you're not sure if you can say yes." Lee chuckled lightly and ran his fingers around the lip of the empty bottle. "I want you to be happy with him, though. You've earned that."

"Well, gosh, thanks for the approval. I've been patiently waiting all these years for you to tell me that I can be happy now," Kara said, the sarcasm heavy in her voice.

Lee's eyes drifted to look out the small opening in the tent. He could see the rain still pouring down. It helped soothe his temper so that he didn't start up the fight Kara was so obviously itching to have. For the first time in his life, he didn't want to fight with her. He just wanted her to understand.

"You know, he calls me his caged bird sometimes."

She wasn't saying Lee was right, but he figured it was as close as he was going to get right now.

"For days, I was so mad at him. What right did he have to call me that? I fought hard to give myself the right to make my own choices, and nothing and no one can keep me from doing what I want."

"But…" Lee prompted, sensing she wasn't done.

"But after a couple months, I started seeing what he meant. We'd be laying on the empty pyramid court, looking up at the stars, and I would start to cry. I kept coming home late because I ran into Hot Dog at the marketplace or Ducky at the latest union meeting, and we ended up getting a few drinks from the bar Kelly set up." Kara sighed and reached under her shirts. Her hand came out clutching a pair of dogtags. "And I can't take these off no matter how hard I try."

Lee finally looked up at her and was surprised to see a shadow of sadness drift across her face. Now that he thought about it, she really did look like a caged bird. It broke his heart. She deserved to be free.

"I can't let go, Lee," she said. The way she was staring at him with so much intensity told him exactly what she couldn't let go of.

He would never know who made the first move. In his heart, he had a feeling they both moved at the same time. All he knew for sure was one second he was staring at Kara and the next he suddenly had her pinned down on the table and he was kissing her with a passion he thought long gone.

Her hands scrapped his back as she yanked his sweatshirt off without hesitation. His tanks were over his head before he had time to realize they had broken apart. Kara pushed him down onto the table, her hands never stopping their journey over his skin. The weight of her body straddling him made him want to groan.

Lee's mind was a blur, and he knew that it was not all due to the ambrosia. Kara was touching him in a way that told him _exactly_ where this was heading. There was no way this euphoria coursing through him could be unrelated to the things she was doing to his body.

His hands worked up underneath her shirts to cup her breast, and she fell down against him. He could hear her breathing heavily in his ear as she rocked her hips. Her body was shamelessly grinding against him, and Lee wondered if they would even have to take their clothes off. Only Kara could make him die without doing a thing.

Lee grabbed her hips and guided the motion. For some reason, he knew just the right buttons to push. Kara let out a throaty moan that sounded dangerously like his name. Lee could feel the last bit of control leave his body as he rolled her body underneath his. Her heart pounded against him as his hips guided the motion between them. He could feel her body tensing already.

Kara ran her hands through his hair, and gripping him tightly, pulled his lips down to meet hers in a sloppy kiss. Something had turned rough between them, and Lee felt the familiarity of it. They had always been rough in their encounters. He wasn't sure if Kara and he could be gentle. He wish he could find out.

Her hands blindly tore at the fly of his pants, and Lee could feel the frustration boiling inside of her. Her kisses died out as his hand slid past the waist of her sweats to cup her backside. There was a familiarity to the frantic need to grab hold of her body before reality sank in and she ran away from him. He could remember doing this to her before. It was hard to believe seven whole months had gone by since that day.

Kara's hips picked up a more frantic pace with an increasing sense of urgency, tearing him away from his thoughts. Lee could feel her about to tumble over the edge.

They entered a sort of dance as they both fought to maintain control of the situation. It seemed like he and Kara were always in a power struggle, even when they were fraking. As Kara slammed his back down onto the table, Lee's head cleared just enough for him to realize it was odd they weren't talking. They had barely addressed the fact that they were practically attacking one another when they both had lovers demanding commitments from them.

Kara pulled back to rip her shirt over her head, flinging it to the ground, before resuming her mission to ravage him. Her kisses moved from a desperate need to pull him closer to something more primal. Her body was bucking against both him and the table, and Lee was suddenly aware of just how intense this was turning out to be. Her body tightened, and she bit down roughly on his bottom lip as she climaxed. It took Lee by surprise enough to make him jump, which threw Kara slightly off balance. Before either one of them could correct the situation, the table was turning over with them on top of it.

His breath shot right out of him as his body took the brunt of the ground. Kara didn't seem phased at all. Her hands were already on the zipper of his pants, trying to keep them on track for wherever they were heading. She was in such a hurry that her nails were actually clawing into his skin. Lee wasn't going to deny that he was feeding off the strange combination of plan and pleasure, but he also knew that something about this wasn't right.

"Slow down," Lee panted, trying to grasp her hands. His eyes immediately widened as he remembered the last time he had uttered those words. The look on Kara's face mirrored his own, and he knew she was thinking the same thing. Lee wondered if he had just ruined everything yet again.

_There is nothing here. Do you get that? Nothing._

Her words still burned him. He hated what had happened to them that day.

Kara stared at him a moment before giving a small nod. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Let's slow down," she whispered. She leaned herself down to start kissing him again. Her lips worked his slowly open, and he could feel her pushing her way inside. The tip of her tongue ran across his lips in an effort to soothe the pain from her bite.

Lee was willing to admit, now that he was feeling it firsthand, he had been right to want to slow things down that day in the bunkroom. Slow was good when it came to Kara.

He took the momentary reprieve from the frantic pace to run his hand along the smooth skin of her shoulder. His fingers reached out to unclasp the hook of her bra, and he slid the worn cotton away from her. He kept his eyes focused on her face before pulling away to drop a few light kisses behind the path of his hands. Kara smiled and allowed him to shift positions so that he was on top of her.

"Do you want me, Kara?" he asked, moving his lips between the valley of her breasts. His only response was a small moan from her lips as he briefly took one swollen nipple into his mouth before continuing his journey down her body.

"Do you want me?" he asked again as he licked his way around her belly button. This time the response was a tightening of her hands where they rested on his back. His fingers unbuttoned her pants and slid them down her hips along with her underwear while his lips focused on the two faint scars before him. "I need to know, Kara."

"Frak me," Kara hissed, finally finding a voice as his kisses continued down between her legs.

"Do you want me?" Lee asked, quietly leaning in to suck lightly at her wet folds.

"I…" Kara's voice caught in her throat as he opened his mouth in order to taste her. "Oh gods, Lee. I… want you. I… frak. I want you."

"Good," Lee said, pulling his mouth away from her. He slipped a finger slowly inside of her and pushed at her gently. "Because I want you, too. Always have."

Kara's eyes shot open as he added another finger to slowly work her back into a frenzy. There was something insanely intimate about seeing this woman so vulnerable and knowing it was his doing. Lee wasn't sure he had ever seen this side of Kara. She was too strong for true vulnerability when it came to him.

"I want you so much," Lee groaned. He leaned in to give her a kiss.

Kara pulled away from him as she climaxed. His head rested against her cheek as she gasped his name over and over again. Lee could feel the ambrosia was wearing off already and recited a desperate prayer to the gods that the haze would last until they were finished with whatever they started. They needed to get this out of their system.

Lee felt a small nibble on his earlobe and realized that Kara had already started to recover from their latest round. "Take me to bed," she growled.

Lee wasn't about to tell her no.

Somewhere between the ground where they had been and the bed where they ended up, Kara managed to pull his pants off his body. Lee was grateful because now he could finally feel the length of her, naked against his skin.

The mattress strained against their weight, and Lee wished he had the time to do this like he always wanted. In his dreams, taking Kara was a slow, drawn out process. The alcohol was almost completely worked out of his system, and Lee knew that Kara had always held her liquor better than him. He needed to keep her body trembling against his.

Kara cried out as he pushed himself all the way inside of her. Her legs came up to wrap around his waist, and she urged him to go deeper. Lee kept up a steady whisper as he built the rhythm between them. He took the time to let her know just how much he had always wanted her and all the ways he had dreamed of having her. He could feel her breath catch as she fought to take him with her. Her eyes stayed locked with his as the desire flashed between them with every stroke he made. Her mouth was hanging open slightly from the satisfying shock of it all, and Lee had to fight to keep himself from shutting that jaw with only his lips.

"Lee," she groaned. Her hips shifted to force him to pick up the pace. "Oh gods, Lee, I lo-"

Lee's lips crushed down into hers. She couldn't say what he thought she was about to say. It would kill him to hear her mirroring his own feelings when he knew that this was only happening because she had gotten good and drunk.

Kara widened her legs, and Lee felt himself slip away completely as he pounded into her body. There would be bruises in the morning, but he didn't care. Bruises were proof that this had happened. Bruises were something he could use to remember how it felt to be inside of her.

He had always secretly liked the pain they caused one another.

Lee's mind fell back to the conversation that had started this all. He knew that he shouldn't be concentrating on anything but the woman underneath him, but he couldn't help it. Anders had called his Kara a caged bird, and for once, the pyramid player had gotten it right. She was trapped in this life, and Lee had no way of getting her out.

"I want you to be free," he whispered in her ear. "I want… oh gods… I want you to fly for me, Kara."

He felt her break as the weight of his words lay between them, and he wasn't far behind.

The satiated feelings took a few minutes to fade away, but when they did, Lee felt himself cringe. He had just taken advantage of his best friend in the worst way imaginable. The part that really shamed him was that he didn't even care. This had been what he wanted all along, this kind of connection with her. He had been playing her this whole time, and he knew it.

Lee realized that he was still deep inside of her, and when he finally pulled away, he swore he heard a soft moan of disappointment from her. Kara turned to face away from him, and Lee could feel his heart breaking. He knew he should say something to fix whatever he had just done, but he wasn't sure where to begin. Propping himself up on his elbows, he stared at her another second before speaking, "I… I'm not sure…I want you to know… we shouldn't… gods." Lee dropped his body down on the bed beside her. He really had no clue what the next step was.

"You can't blame it on the ambrosia." Kara's voice was so soft that Lee had to strain to hear her. "I knew what I was doing."

Lee didn't know how to take this confession so he stayed silent in hopes she would give him a hint as to what the frak he was supposed to do next.

"I wanted you, Lee," she continued. "I have for a while now. I… I thought that door was closed when I came down to New Caprica. I closed that door myself on purpose."

"I'm sorry," Lee whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I meant what I said before. I want you to be happy, Kara. That's what I've always wanted for you."

"I know," Kara said, finally turning herself to face him. "I am happy."

"Good."

Kara's hand came out to gently touch his cheek before she leaned in for a soft, slow kiss. "I _am_ happy, Lee."

The second time they made love was the slow, drawn out process Lee had always imagined.

* * *

_Lee looked at himself in the mirror. It had become a ritual to him. Every night, he found himself here._

_He had no clue how his father never put two and two together to figure out what he caused by sending his son down to New Caprica. The Old Man let him pull away after he came back to Pegasus. It was almost like he expected it._

_Lee let his eyes roam around his quarters. His mind had always made one thing clear. His home was not in this beautiful ship orbiting the planet of humanity's rebirth. No. His home was where his heart was._

_A small cot on the surface of New Caprica, a part of a tent long since torn down._

_Lee ran his hand over the small puckering of skin where he had been shot so many months earlier. The scar was barely visible anymore. Kara had made sure of that the day they had parted._

_The day she had marked him…

* * *

_

Looking back, Lee would never be able to explain what went on the next week and a half as he and Kara finished the playground. They worked side by side during the day, partners in a way only Apollo and Starbuck could be. At night, they shifted into the role of lovers.

If Lee was being honest, though, most days they couldn't wait until nightfall to take each other to bed. Lee would be raising a beam to a piece of playground equipment, and he would suddenly feel Kara's hands sliding past the waist of his pants from behind. Or Kara would give him that look he loved, the half pout with a little too much sass, and he would have her on the ground begging for him before she could think to smile. They were lovers during the day, too, when it was easier to ignore the silence.

At night, it was _never_ easy.

Still, they never discussed what they were doing or the fact that Lee was going to have to return to Pegasus. It was like they created this little bubble in which it was safe to openly love one another.

They never talked about that, either. It was too dangerous.

Lee was silently counting down the days in his own special way. In the beginning, it was 'I can touch Kara a million more times". That turned into 'I can get her to smile for me at least a thousand more times' which then shifted into 'I can make her moan my name a hundred more times'. Today, when he woke up, all he could think was 'I can see her for just one more second'.

However, no matter what he told himself, that morning when she snuck off to take a shower in the city, everything had a different feel. This was it. The moment in which Lee would finally find out just how strong he could be.

After only two weeks, his body felt too cold without her next to it.

When she finally came back, Lee knew something was wrong. She stopped just inside the tent opening and turned to look out at the wilderness surrounding them. Her hands absently ran through her wet hair in a movement Lee was extremely familiar with. When she was preoccupied with something, she had the habit of playing with her hair. It had been that way for years. "Kara?"

"Anders has been back in New Caprica City for two days." She didn't turn to face him until the words had had time to sink in. Lee's heart cringed at the look on her face. "I didn't even know it."

Lee sat up in the bed, but he didn't say a word. He really didn't know what to say.

"It appears he's been wondering where the frak his girlfriend's been while he was gone."

"He's not going to be mad."

Kara shook her head and slowly made her way to sit beside him on the bed. "Not one person knows I'm out here. They're all used to me going off on some project or another by now. I take a lot of trips into the outer areas to do my painting. No one thought it odd until Anders came back and said he had no clue where I was. I always tell him when I need to go off on my own for awhile."

"What did you tell him this time?"

Kara looked ashamed for the first time in two weeks. "I didn't."

"You didn't what?"

"I…" She let out a long sigh and threw her body down onto the bed. She stared at the ceiling of the tent for a few seconds before continuing. "I didn't go to my tent. I found out Anders was back after my shower. I was on my way to grab a few things from my home, and I guess I panicked because the next thing I know I had turned heel and was back here."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of."

The tent filled with silence, and Lee took the moment to slide out of bed and slip into his boxers. It was time to deal with reality. He turned to look for his pants and realized Kara was no longer staring at the ceiling. Lee could feel himself freeze up. She had never looked at him so intensely before.

"You're going back to the Pegasus today." It wasn't a question.

Lee gave her a small nod and began a frantic search for his clothing. He was not doing this half-naked. "You always knew that, Kara."

"And I'm going back to Anders."

Lee gave her another nod. "That's your decision."

"And you're just going to let me do it."

His pants and tanks securely in place, Lee took a seat beside her on the bed. "We are not star-crossed lovers here from some stupid colonial soap opera, Kara. We're adults who entered this knowing how we were going to exit."

"What did we enter?" Kara whispered. Lee knew she wasn't looking for an answer. Some things in life were indefinable no matter how much you wished that wasn't true. "Should I say it or do you want to do the honors?" she asked sadly.

Lee let out a deep breath and reached to link his fingers with hers. "We're not healthy for each other."

"We've never been," Kara agreed.

"This would never end well."

"We'd hurt too many people."

"We both have issues we need to work out."

"I shot you."

"I held it against you."

"I abandoned you."

"I didn't make you stay."

They laid side by side, hands intertwined, for what felt like an eternity. Then, Lee lifted her hand to his lips and gave her skin one gentle kiss before letting go. Standing up, he made his way across the tent and began gathering the few things he had brought with him to New Caprica.

"You can't just leave. It's not fair."

Kara was sitting up on the bed, staring at him. She looked neither frightened nor completely composed. Like everything, she seemed somewhere in the middle, and she was going to crack. He expected no less. "When has life ever been fair to us, Kara?" Lee pointed out sadly.

Kara nodded. For a second, it seemed like she agreed with him. Then she must have remembered agreeing meant him walking away from her. She got up off the bed and walked to stand in front of him. "It's just… you're going, Lee. We finally… and you're going. And I'll have nothing to… you have your duty so you have to go. I get that… but you're leaving me here with… I guess I have my own duty, but it's not… it's so far between, and you'll be gone." Kara wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "I need something to be left here, Lee. I can't be empty anymore."

Lee reached out to brush a hair back from her cheek. "If there was anything I could do to change that, Kara, I would. In a heartbeat, I would. But you and I both know that it's better if we just part."

"I don't even know what I was asking for," Kara said, shaking her head. Her laughter began to mix with her tears. "I just…"

"Me, too," Lee said, giving her a smile.

Kara stared up at him for a moment before her brow furrowed and her gaze settled on something over his right shoulder. "Maybe there is something," she mumbled, brushing past him as she pushed the last of the tears away.

Lee watched her walk over to her art portfolio. He had asked her to show it to him a few days ago, and he realized she had never taken it back to her tent. No wonder Anders hadn't gone on a one-man mission to find her.

Kara rifled through the contents for a few minutes before finding what she wanted. She walked back to him and held out the piece of paper. "Anders and I have been trying to come up with things to barter for supplies for the resettlement initiative. I've been selling some of my paintings and designing these as a side job."

Lee looked the paper over and smiled. "This is very good, Kara."

"I haven't used it yet. I wasn't sure why, but I had a hard time parting with it. I think handing it over to some random person just didn't feel right." She reached out to touch his jacket right where it covered the scar from her misguided bullet so many months before. "The least I can do is take this away."

Lee gave her a small nod. He could understand the need to correct the mistakes of one's past. He also understood why she needed something to hang on to. "I can't stay," he said, just to be clear.

"I know."

Lee smiled and reached out to pull her close to him. He gave her a soft kiss before whispering, "But I can give you this."

Kara gave him a smile and slid her hand in his. "Then we don't have much time."

Lee quickly found out that he had been right to think the whole of New Caprica would be enamored with Kara. It turns out she had friends everywhere who would readily do her favors and promise to keep quiet about every single inch of it. It gave what they were doing an unexpected whisper of danger.

When it was done, Kara walked with him to the Raptor that made the daily trip from Pegasus and Galactica to the planet surface. This time, Lee could care less if people saw him. Maybe having witnesses would help him remember that this hadn't been a dream.

"I didn't realize this was going to hurt as much as it did," Lee whispered as they neared the end.

"That's because you've always been a fraking moron," Kara joked.

Lee threw his left arm around her and pulled her head close enough to drop a quick kiss on the top. "An insult always sounds so sweet when it's coming from your lips."

Kara's smile stayed on her face for a few seconds before finally faltering. She pulled back to scan the area, and obviously seeing what she wanted, she pushed Lee against the Raptor and started kissing him with the fury that had been missing for two weeks now. They both knew this was their last kiss.

It only lasted a few seconds. It's all they could chance even if the Raptor hid them from view. Still, it was enough to leave them breathless.

Kara leaned her forehead against his and let the cool metal of the ship support them both. "How am I going to explain this?" she panted.

"You'll come up with something," Lee whispered. "You always do."

"Sir?"

Kara pulled back, and Lee opened his eyes to look at Racetrack. He gave her a quick nod and pushed off the Raptor. "I'm ready to go, Meg." He turned to look at Kara one last time and then made the hardest decision in his life.

After that first step, he didn't look back.

* * *

_Five days later, he got wind of her marriage to Anders. When he heard about the shortage of silver and gold within the Fleet, it suddenly made sense. She had always been more creative than he was._

_He stopped seeing Dee after he returned from New Caprica. He made up some story about her being too good of a woman for him to just sit back and use. He told her he needed to get his head on straight. He said he wanted to do right by her._

_The truth was he just couldn't let them be intimate again. He wasn't creative like Kara._

_No one mentioned the changes that went on when he came back to the Pegasus. No one commented on how the Commander was now too busy to go on his daily runs or how the Commander seemed to retreat even farther inside himself._

_Lee stared at his reflection in the mirror. His hand came up to trace the strong black lines that formed the wing and then moved on to the circle that surrounded his scar. Most days, the mark felt like it was burning his skin, reminding him of what he had lost._

_They were once Apollo and Starbuck. Legends in the sky. They were supposed to be timeless. They were supposed to be unbreakable._

_In the end, they were none of those things._

_  
Instead, Lee and Kara had become two caged birds, desperately searching for freedom in a world they could not trust._

_Somehow, along the way, they had become marked._


End file.
